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A little ago, a reader write to me asking for advise related on how to participate in working teams when your direct boss make the Toby's Club with your peers and you remained "excluded".
First I want to share that some years ago it was a comic book, then a cartoon, called Little Lulu, where her best friend was Toby and he didn't like the girls, ergo he invented a space where he could gather exclusively with boys and he called that space "Toby's Club". Since then in Mexico and probably Latinamerica when the men want to exclude women from an activity, its called that the gentlemen created another Toby's Club.
For this post, this Club is made on a professional context, and my reader it's having some consequences related to this behavior. The benefit is that we don't have to worry a lot, because the lady's are not excluded in the first place and the gentlemen should not leave us behind just like this. The only thing is that you have to learn to relate in a professional way in this job contexts with the opposite sex and probably you will left behind the exclusion feeling.
Next I will share some suggestions to do if you are a woman, and try not to feel out of space, maybe you will be invited to some of their meetings and it will be up to you to choose if you want to go or not:
1.- Be discreet, remember that what happens in work, stays in work. Under any circumstance you share anything you hear from this group. It is possible that you may feel engaged to share to your friends some of the information you hear. Don't do it, you have to earn the group confidence, by showing your discretion abilities among them.
2.- Do not feel bad or get mad if you suddenly hear some conversations or jokes in a higher tone. While the conversation is not directly related to yourself, you can pretend you never hear it. If you want to belong to this group, your peers probably show more confidence if they feel that they can be more themselves if you are not criticizing them with your look or with some comments about their words.
3.- Remember you are a lady and you should not change your core being, behave as a lady. The fact that the men could have or not high tone conversations, will not change neither what you are or who you are. Give yourself the strength to stand in front of the group but considering yourself a lady.
4.- If at some point you feel that belonging to the group will place you at a sexual harassment situation, ask for a change to another department. It will be difficult to change the organizational culture than asking for an internal movement.
5.- Make yourself invaluable, many times being a woman implies to make and organize activities where being a man will be difficult, because we have some born with competences. Capitalize this situation and bring to the group this abilities like event organization or agenda making. This activities are of some use at any job and it will be easier that the women can develop this innovations to the job.
Finally I would like to share a ling to a Daniela's Zarate article to America Economia, where she shares the difficulty that have some women to be considered as important employees at their organizations.
The advantage is that as the time passes by, more women are considering professional careers, so the inclusion process has to be integrated at all levers. With some certification companies watching, gender quotes and bigger group of women at job positions, the Toby's Club problem, will be decreasing. Don't worry about this situation, you may soon experiment some improvements and find a spot where you can stand out.
how does it work and how can some earn from them
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